November, 2024: I arrive in Porto to find myself rebuilding life in a completely new way all over again. At first, everything feels unfamiliar: the language, the habits, the humour, even the unspoken rules of daily life. Sometimes the differences lead to misunderstandings that are genuinely funny – like the time I ordered a coffee and received two. It must have looked very strange to the employee, since it was only me – why, she must have wondered, did I not simply ask for a large coffee. Or the day I asked for cake and somehow got a sandwich instead. Luckily, I was hungry, so I had my cake (and ate it too).
For me, relocating for the second time around has taken some of the embarrassment away – I have learned to laugh at these little misunderstandings. The funny thing is, in both situations, I was completely sure I was saying the right thing, which only makes the mix-ups more amusing.
But other times, the loneliness settles in quietly, and on certain days it hits like a wave. It’s tough when you realise there’s no one to call for a spontaneous coffee or a simple chat. You miss the effortless friendships from your old life, the ones built over years without you even noticing. Here in Porto, everything has to be created from scratch.
I just try to stay patient and start showing up to activities; I’ve learned that staying curious is a useful key to learning the rhythm of the culture. And little by little, I notice a shift. I begin to meet people who notice my efforts and open the door a little wider. It happens slowly: a familiar face at an event, a short conversation that turns into a longer one, someone remembering my name.
It’s in these moments, you understand that belonging isn’t something you’re given; it’s something you build, piece by piece. With a willingness to keep trying even when it feels difficult, a foreign place starts to feel like home.
Grettel Chaves
Grettel Chaves is an expat partner and a mom of three children. She loves sports, especially swimming, learning new languages, trying new food and outdoor activities. After a few years in Zhuhai, China, she now lives in Porto.
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