Expat partner Ceren Taygun van Velzen has lived in Greece and three different African countries. We asked her to share what she has learned about starting over (and over again).
Here we go again!
“Relocating is never easy but perhaps it was easier for the kids when they were younger and moving to another country felt like an adventure. As they get older, they have deeper friendships, and become more attached to a place, it can be more complicated,” says Ceren, whose kids are now aged 15, 13 and 10. “Individuals in a family don’t suffer in the same way, or at the same time. That’s true for every family but the expat life puts this under a magnifying glass as you are far from your closest friends and relatives. So I’ve learned that it’s very important to keep the lines of communication open and be there for each other to truly listen.”
Make a date (or three)
“It’s always a challenge for the expat partner to create a new identity when relocating. At a cultural training workshop, I remember a trainer said: ‘When you relocate make sure you have appointments in your diary.’ So I always have three ‘things to do’ for myself right after I arrive – it could be something as simple as meeting another expat for coffee, or going to the hairdresser. It can be something to look forward to, or perhaps the start of a new routine.”
Nothing but obstacles
“I came from a busy life in the Netherlands, where I was a lawyer, specialising in Intellectual Property Law. No matter what you did before, there’s always a big empty space when you arrive in a new country. In the beginning, we mostly see all of the obstacles. For example, when I moved to Greece in 2008, I thought: ‘I have an 11-month old baby. I don’t speak the language. I don’t know anyone. I gave up everything for my husband’s career. Poor me!’”
More positive mindset
“So before we relocated to Rwanda, I thought, what if I tell myself this move is for me. That my husband and kids were all moving to support me. With that change of mindset, I started to view the situation more positively. Instead of focusing on all the obstacles, I recognised opportunities,” says Ceren, who now lives in Johannesburg. “In short, I went from seeing myself as a victim to thinking, ‘Wow, I am so lucky to be living this life!’”
Photo: Ceren and her family… making the most of the journey
All Global Connection’s corporate clients are leading multinationals. Due to some of their policies, we no longer use their name in public articles. However, expat partners signed in to our private Media & Network can see the multinational’s name.
