You’ve landed in a vast metropolis that seems to offer everything – except a sense of belonging. The possibilities are endless, yet somehow you feel invisible. How do you start to feel at home?
The power of familiarity
I once got chatting to a French neighbour who described Ho Chi Minh City as a big village. Some might laugh at the thought. The city’s population hovers around twelve million. But what he has done is reduce the sprawl into something familiar through routines. He returns to the same little corners and neighbourhoods, where he knows the patron of his favourite bistro or cafe and recognises faces in the street. No one is surprised to bump into him – after all, they live in a village too.
A lesson for others
As simple as it sounds, there’s a lesson here. Expat partners who move to cities such as London, Tokyo, New York or Paris often say they struggle to develop friendships. By contrast, a so-called hardship posting to somewhere like Lagos or East Timor might bring its own challenges, but it’s far easier to meet people as expats often live in small communities where newcomers are warmly welcomed.
The invisible newcomer
But in London, Tokyo, New York or Paris it can feel as though long-term residents are preoccupied and unapproachable. They have their circles, their routines, their lives. And why would they want to befriend a ‘blow-in’ who gets lost on the way to the supermarket? But don’t despair – just like my French neighbour, you too can pretend it’s a village. Find a café and become a regular. Keep going back to the same baker, delicatessen or bookshop. With each small exchange, you will start to feel noticed, even appreciated.
Join the Village People!
To stay active and make connections, join a yoga class, padel club or pottery workshop – whatever sparks your curiosity – where you’ll meet people who actually live nearby. Walk the same routes, jog the same streets. Remember that big cities reward persistence, and familiarity grows through repetition. Each small act of connection builds on the last. It may take weeks, or months, but one day you’ll walk into that café and the barista will ask, “The usual?”, or someone will wave as you pass, and you’ll realise you’re no longer a stranger. You’ve turned this once vast, rushed and unknowable metropolis into a village – a small corner of the city that finally feels like home.
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
