The first rule for making friends as an expat? Well, perhaps it’s best not to make any rules. The most important thing is being open to meeting new people, even if they are from the same unglamorous place as you!
Reluctant networking
I went to a house party in Hanoi in 2001, when the expat community in Vietnam’s capital was very small. The Australian host didn’t waste time in introducing me to another Irishman in attendance: “Two Irish guys in Hanoi? You must have met already!” My newly acquainted compatriot didn’t miss a beat and replied: “For god’s sake, can’t you see we’re trying to avoid each other?”
A meaningful bond
He was only half joking. Neither of us had moved to the other side of the world to meet a guy from up the road. As James Joyce wrote in Ulysses: “The longest way round is the shortest way home.” But over subsequent years, we met many more times at cultural events and social gatherings. We weren’t best friends but we established a strong bond. In small but not inconsequential ways, we supported each other as he grew his business in the F&B sector and I embarked on a career in journalism. When facing personal as well as professional challenges, we sought each other’s advice and shared our experiences.
Never say never
I think of this relationship whenever I hear expats say they don’t want to befriend compatriots in their host country. I understand their mindset completely. They want to expand their horizons and meet people from other cultures. They might even feel that hanging out with compatriots will hamper their adjustment. Perhaps it seems like too much of a copout. But, as I hope my earlier anecdote illustrates, sometimes knowing a compatriot in your host country can benefit your expat journey.
A friend in need…
Indeed, I am sure there are many members in our community who would agree that getting to know others who share the same language and cultural background can be a lifesaver at times. When you are trying to find your feet or overcome obstacles far from your homeland, you might appreciate their insights. Or perhaps you will simply enjoy meeting up with someone who gets all your jokes. So our advice: don’t be too quick to shut the door on any kind of friendship, even if it’s one that seems too close to home.
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
