Should you be going through a rough patch abroad, it’s natural to lean on friends or family back home. After all, they’re the people who know you best and care about you most. But advice issued from afar doesn’t always land as intended.
Well-meaning suggestions
You’re feeling low and frustrated. Why? This ‘expat adventure’ hasn’t lived up to expectations. Your partner is thriving at work, but you’re jobless, isolated and perhaps weighed down by uncertainty. When you open up to a trusted confidant back home – a close friend, sibling or parent – they instinctively want to help. Advice follows, offered with love and concern. You know it comes from a good place. And yet somehow… it makes you feel worse.
‘Why don’t you…?’
“Why don’t you just find a job?” “Why don’t you make some friends?” “Why don’t you try to stay positive?” These trouble-shooting comments won’t actually help you move forward. Instead, they can highlight what feels missing from your life. From a distance, relocation challenges can look simple and solvable. But language barriers, visa restrictions, cultural adjustment, decision fatigue and the emotional strain of relocation are all hard to grasp unless you’re the one experiencing them day to day. Over time, repeated suggestions can even leave expat partners feeling misunderstood – or inadequate.
The confidence drain
For many expat partners, this creates an uncomfortable tension. Friends and family provide emotional continuity when so much else is changing. But you want support but fear that sharing openly will lead to advice that minimises your experience. As a result, some people start holding back – which can increase feelings of isolation rather than relieve them. So what should you do?
Setting boundaries
For starters, set boundaries – that doesn’t mean pushing people away. Often, it’s simply about guiding the conversation. Try saying, “It’s more complicated here than it sounds, but I’m figuring it out,” or, “Right now, I really just need you to listen.” Share small wins, everyday moments and frustrations too – just remember that advice is often a stand-in for concern.
And if you need more tailored professional support, don’t forget that your Global Connection consultant is there to help. Wherever you are in the world, you don’t have to navigate this alone. A chat with us can help you set expectations, identify a pathway or action-plan that will give you structure and empower you to move forward with positivity.
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
