When you move abroad, initially there will be a certain ‘asymmetry’ at the heart of your expat experience. One of you has a schedule, a salary and a sense of purpose. The other may have none of the above.
Honeymoon highs
So, there you are, in your host country, super excited about the adventure to come. Perhaps you have taken a week or two to decompress and see some of the local sights with your partner. But sooner rather than later, they will return to a weekly schedule. Having started a new international role they will be highly motivated to succeed and keen to get to know their colleagues. That means long hours and lots of hard (but fulfilling) work.
Cabin fever lows
By contrast, you may feel as if you have ‘landed’ but not yet fully arrived. Being at home for large parts of the day isn’t perhaps what you envisaged when you signed up for an ‘adventure’ in a new country. These ‘divergent paths’ can lead to a marked difference in terms of energy levels when your partner returns home on Friday evening. As one expat partner told us anonymously: “When the weekend arrives, my husband would rather stay home and rest. By contrast, I’ve been there all week, so I want to go out and do things together…”
No small matter
Indeed, this asymmetry, which is at the heart of expat life for many couples, is no small matter, especially if the expat partner feels isolated or uncertain about their new life. As another expat partner told us: “From the beginning of our expat life, my husband and kids were thriving and came home full of stories, which only made me feel worse about having nothing to do and, for the first time ever, being financially dependent on my husband. I was really down.”
Don’t harbour resentment
Our advice? Take the time to sit down and chat with your partner about your mutual expectations and aspirations for expat life. It might be something as simple as discussing how you would like to spend your week nights and weekends together. But the important thing is that you are ultimately on the same page and don’t let this ‘asymmetry syndrome’ pull you apart. As one relationship coach previously told us: “Expat life is fertile ground for resentment between couples [so] your communication needs to be better than ever before.”
This article was originally published for the thousands of expat partners that Global Connection supports around the globe. It is reproduced here in its original form.
